Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Spousal Exhaustion




(hi honey, yeah I'm talkin' about you on my blog)
Amongst my other emotional afflictions, I also suffer occasional bouts of Spousal Exhaustion. When the mister and I travel together, we start out on a relationship high ("Wow, so nice to be spending all this time together! Let's make out! Let's play Scrabble! Let's talk!") that slowly unravels and, between days 5-7, culminates in a Relationship Meltdown.

He turns into such a Mr. Magoo when we travel, and I become hyper-alert/organized/motivated. I don't sleep, I want to do EVERYTHING, and I want to be there yesterday.

This is an especially bad combination where driving is involved. On our last trip to Portland, I wanted to hurl my body from the (very slowly) moving car. He does, however, drive very quickly when he's passing an open parking space that we have been looking for, and again, very slowly if we have tickets to a show that starts in one minute, reservations that we're late for, or I haven't eaten in 18 hours. The more urgent the situation, the more languorous he is. I actually decided to give birth at home because I couldn't stand the idea of being driven to the hospital by Sunday Driver.

That, and he has a nose whistle that makes me homicidal after 48 hours.

Other Mr. Magoo moves that cause me to swear, each and every trip, that it's our last:
Very post-9/11 he showed up at the airport WITHOUT A FORM OF I.D. to get through security.
Sure honey, it's the 1950s. They'll just take your word for it. Be sure to let the stewardess know how you want your steak cooked, too!
He got lost four minutes from the airport, we missed our flight, were stranded in a 3rd world country with our children, and had to pay $3000 (extra) to get home.

I guess I have some faults, too. He may even describe me as "anal" when we travel.

Anyone else have this problem? Or are you and your significant other the perfect travel companions? And if this is the case, why are you lying to yourself?

12 comments:

  1. funny that when we were dating, i thought my husband a very competent driver, but as soon as the ring was out of the box (and worse after the babies were out of the oven) i became so nit-picky and convinced that he was trying to get us all killed. i know i read somewhere that the thing that unites all humanity is the belief that "i, and i *alone*, know how to drive."

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  2. um, that is HILARIOUS. and just like my husband and me. poor guy, we met up in italy for his 18-day r&r from FIGHTING IN AFGHANISTAN and i dragged his skinny, tired arse out at the crack of dawn and all over rome for days before he couldn't take it anymore (but he's like that on normal vacations, too). i guess it just balances out my obsessive concern over how much money we're spending.

    ps can't remember now how i found yr blog, but it's delightful. it was through one of those epic blog crawls, though. thank god for tabbed browsers ...

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  3. LOL!! Oh the visions in my head of the two of you traveling together! Outrageously funny!!Remind me never to tag along on one of these sojourns. My travel philosophy - do & see everything; you can sleep on the way home.

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  4. Anon-it certainly seems to be a female affliction! Although I don't worry that he's going to kill us, I worry that I'm going to kill him if he doesn't step on it!

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  5. Meghan-well thanks for taking a pit stop here on your epic blog crawl! What would the guys do without us? Watch Italian cable T.V. in the hotel and then go home?

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  6. travelgirl-you know, we do try to behave when others are present....
    but we are a bit like the Costanzas on Seinfeld. SERENITY NOW!!!

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  7. I'd have to say that my spouse is my favorite person to travel with.When taking trips he just tells me when to be packed and ready to go and he does the rest.I think we balance each other out even more when on vacay. Yet the driving at times drives me crazy.It's not fun driving down the freeway in the fast lane having cars passing us on the right and giving ME the dirty looks as if i'm the one with the steering wheel.But here's what i like to believe:We as women and mulitaskers drive down the road with the laundry list of things to do reeling in our head while at the same time noticing the make, model and license plate number of the car next to us;all this while actually driving the speed limit because we are way too observant to let that slip. Husbands on the other hand drive down the road going 55 because they are too busy thinking about the great wave they caught the day before to notice that everyone is passing them. a good solution is to A.)offer to drive B)buy an old drivers training car with 2 gas pedals or C) make him mad...that usually makes them drive faster ;)

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  8. scg-I had a feeling you were going to say that!

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