Monday, July 12, 2010

"Please do not shoot your friends' eyes out" and other important sleepover lessons

You know a morning that starts with those words is going to be exciting. And it could only mean one thing--boys, sleepover.

The only other conversation I have had so far today went like this:

Me: "What are you boys hungry for?"
Guest #1: "My doctor says I need to eat more eggs..."
Brother of guest #1: "Yeah, he needs more nutrients in his diet."

Gosh, kids are so savvy these days. When I used to go to sleepovers, my only goal was to get my hands on some Fruit Loops or Cap'n Crunch; those mystical cereals I had heard about but never savored lovingly in my own mouth (whose number one ingredient, according to my mom, was sugar, poison, brain rot, and certain death) .

I'd accept anything not "sweetened" by molasses or with carob doing a poor impersonation of chocolate. Preferably something with a prize inside other than a coupon for Celestial Seasonings tea or a "collectible card" with information about endangered mountain gorillas. A bowl of something whose Red Dye #5 would color my milk and make me feel slightly dangerous.

(This could be me and my sister, except they're wearing shirts...)

Of course, I'm grateful for all those things now, but I still slow down in front of the Cap'n Crunch. I think, just for a second, that I could have all the sugar cereal I wanted now and no one could tell me no. But the Communists should consult with my mom about her re-education techniques, because MAN SHE'S GOOD! I could no more put a bowl of sugar cereal in front of my kids than, say, a live bomb or a plate of lead paint chips.


And while I'm not serving burnt homemade granola with fresh-from-the-hairy-udder goat's milk (which, sorry mom, I did NOT ever get used to), even my own children accusingly call me "hippie" sometimes.

Ahhh, if they only knew....


  1. Soooo funny. Made even funnier, knowing who the boys are!

  2. i went on a somewhat reckless cocoa pebbles rebellion after moving out of my similarly crunchy wasn't pretty, and now i put the fear of sugary cereal into my own kids, they're convinced that cap'n crunch is made of sawdust. it makes us the most unpopular sleepover house in the district when i offer carrot sticks with almond butter for snacks, but sure saves on the grocery budget. ps, i'm in love with your e-bay sofa, any chance that i could just have it since we're bff and all? moNo

  3. I grew up in the generation of your lovely furniture and sugared cereals. I did not serve all sugared cereals to my girls, so I imagine they were sleepover junkies. I eat better myself now, but would sneak a sugar pops, if i had the opportunity. The hotel I am staying at now has choc milk in their breafast and I snuck one and will enjoy it later.

  4. Sure, MoNo! You can pay me in Cocoa Pebbles.
    Bankerchick-maybe some sugar pops in chocolate milk?


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