Monday, September 6, 2010

Handy pocket Craigslist translator

As a veteran of Craigslist, I thought I would compile a short guide to terms you might find there, along with a "real-world" translation of their meaning. Believe me, this will help you more than you know...

"funky"--"from 1979, contains cat pee"

"designer"--"Mor Furniture, but I'm hoping you won't notice"

"custom"-- "I made it myself, and my wife won't let me bring it in the house"

"stunning and unique"--"we don't know why we bought it, and we don't know what it is, and by stunning we mean hideously ugly"

"good condition"--"I won't mention it until you drive 65 miles to see it that the back is missing, the side is ripped off, and pee"

"corner sectional piece"--this one is a rare and truly special listing, and it translates roughly like this: "The rest of the sectional was destroyed in the meth lab fire, and I'm fried enough to think you will buy just the corner"

"solid wood"--"wood-esque, wood-like, but never, ever solid wood"

"modern" or "Mid-Century modern"--"IKEA"

"dog in picture not included...har-har-har"--"but his fur, stench, fleas, and recent bout of incontinence is!"

Well, I hope this is helpful to someone. If you're ever flummoxed by Craigslist terminology, a good rule of thumb is that you can assume the opposite of whatever is said. Applying this rule, the best listings are usually the ones that say, "Grandma's cheap junk, O.K. condition." When you see this, run. Quickly. Grandma's cheap junk is probably an original Eames lounge for $40...and maybe a little cat pee.


  1. you're a funny (and by funny, i mean funny, not funky) chick.

  2. but when craigslist does come through it is soooo sweet.
    like the best chairs ever for 5$

  3. are SO right. And send pics!

  4. Oh my goodness you are sooooo funny and soooo correct. Craigslist is a mine-field, but yes, you can sometimes find a steal - like the $60 wrong iron bird cage my birds currently reside in (no cat pee included, thank goodness).


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