Wednesday, May 26, 2010


So I have a reader in Reykjavik, Iceland. I think we can safely assume it's Bjork. In fact, let's just exaggerate this story completely and say me and Bjork are really good friends now. And she's going to lend me her swan dress and we're going to go out together. And the next day the tabloids are going to report that they have finally found someone who can pull off the look, and in fact it will become a fashion craze. By this time next year, you will be shopping for a fowl-inspired outfit. Even Target will have a knock-off line of dresses cheaply made to look like the lesser fowls: turkeys and ducks and whatnot. You'll hear from a bunch of blogs that Forever 21 has a pretty good imitation of the swan dress for only $24.99, which you will sneak in and try on, and it will not fit in the hips because, you know, that's just how it works at Forever 21. And me and Bjork will drink vodka in the bar at the Ice Hotel and laugh and write the lyrics for our duet. Bob Dylan will reportedly call our music "transcendant". He will ask to work on our next project. We will have to think about it. Maggie Gyllenhaal will ask for my autograph. She will jump up and down when I give it to her.

I just have to finish the laundry first.


  1. Yes. Yes. On all accounts, esp. the part about Maggie G. wanting your autograph. And the masses coveting your waterfowl look.

    (And small paintings WILL indeed be available! I'm covered in the oil paint of small paintings as we speaketh!)

  2. Bang, I think you should charge $25 a pop to paint tiny houses on your guests' toenails. I'll bring Bjork and the vodka.

  3. I think what made the swan dress particularly lovely was the nude-colored union suit that was worn under it. She probably wears just it and the white strappy sandals around the house, while she does the laundry. Funny thing though, I only ever remember the swan dress, and can't recall a single other gown in the history of the Oscars. And I thought we were already BFF. How quickly I've been replaced. moNO

  4. MoNo, yeah she probably wears it solo a lot. It's kinda like a bridesmaids dress in that it is SO versatile and can be worn after the event.
    Sorry about the BFF thing...I guess I should have told you I practice friendship polygamy....

  5. Summer,

    Until you get the official swan dress, here's a nice substitute from Etsy seller Zoe Chen:

    (I'm actually coveting her paper airplanes dress!)

  6. Hey Sarah, thanks for being my resident Etsy tour guide! This dress is definitely a much more wearable version...but there's no swan head to pet, which is it's great downfall.


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