Wednesday, January 19, 2011

So you have a job interview at the Ace

See the original "you're probably a hipster" post here!

Congratulations, hipster! You had at least enough ambition to shuffle over to your Mac and send an email to whatever the Ace calls their human resources department (probably homey hirers or something?)

And now you have an interview. Uh oh. I think that means something is happening face-to-face! I don't think they're going to text you questions while you eat Cheetos and smoke in bed, or ask you to send a PDF file of your artwork.

Dang. Now what?

You have no work experience, so you definitely can't rely on references or...ability.

But there's one thing you do well in this world, and it's look the part.

So study this handy "Anatomy of an Ace Employee" and go get that minimum wage job!

First, if you don't already have one, you'll need to buy this:

Or this--I would NOT choose "the Weasel". Especially if you drive a van. Especially if you have to pass a school on the way. You will definitely get arrested.

May I suggest "the Hollywood"?

Then you'll need this...but heed my warning: it must be ill-fitting and threadbare:

Then, for as many days as possible prior to the interview, you'll have to completely avoid this:

And anything like these:

In fact, don't lift anything heavier than your iphone. Try to stay in bed and eat Cheetos in the days leading up to the interview. If it looks like your heart rate has been elevated at all, the people at the Ace will know it. They will indignantly tell you to take your self-righteous exercise routine down the street to Whole Foods, where the physically-active preachy vegan hipsters work.

Oh hipsters, I sure have missed our time together!
Do you miss the hipster list? Check the old ones here.

p.s. in all fairness I have to say that the Ace has the best staff in Palm Springs. Better than the starts-with-a-P-ends-with-arker. They're friendly and nice and do their job right, even with all that hanging macrame getting in their eyes! I've never found their facial hair in my food, and I like their plaid shirts. And I want to be them.


  1. Thanks for providing the necessary sunshine for me to flourish in my new found freedom - if you know what I mean.

  2. In the greenhouse of my life, you are not an illegal plant ;)


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