I know what you're doing, and it won't work

Dear husband and children,
I'm onto you. You think if you keep hiding my pens and "losing" your socks I will eventually go insane. But it won't work. I'm stronger than you. And I'll just keep buying more. More 12-packs of socks. More 72-packs of pens.

And even though they will all disappear before the week is out, I won't go crazy. I WON'T. You know what? I don't even care what you're doing with them. I don't even want to know. I couldn't BE less curious about the continuous disappearance of these household items.

If you want to tell me, fine. What is it? Some storage unit? You're putting it all in a storage unit, right? Somewhere there is a storage unit packed full of fifteen years-worth of pens and socks, right? Am I right?? That's o.k., I don't need to know. I don't even care. You can't make me crazy. You'll never get to me! A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!