How to Dress for a Gallery Opening

What I would wear: something weird and slightly intimidating. If you're the artist, you should also bring a bunny rabbit on a leash or carry a live ferret. You'll be famous in no time, guaranteed.






all pieces available from Refinery29, if you've sold a painting and have $2000 lying around

Designing a Dining Room

Lately I've been a little distracted by the needs of my own house. It gets so little attention, and it's full of business cast-offs and things dumped "temporarily" that have become permanent due to furniture inertia.

Are you familiar with this problem? It's when you put a piece somewhere "for the time being" and it doesn't move for five years.
You know it doesn't work, that you don't even like it, but furniture inertia exerts a force more powerful than the casual decorator can face alone.

It takes an outsider to tell you that your geriatric side has taken over and turned your house into a rest home for retired Martha Stewart paint colors, unwanted credenzas, and an unfortuantely ornate upholstered headboard from the Marquis de Sade's estate sale. No, having a red light district-themed bedroom does not enhance one's marriage. I have proof.

So, I'm in the middle of a slightly manic whole-house redesign/rearrangement. I know there's a window of time here. A very small window before other needs crowd out this project and the furniture exerts its seductive power once again, establishing itself in position for another five years. The time to act is now. I will triumph. The furniture will obey.

Here is a one hour time-lapse of the dining room transformation from this weekend:

"Hi. I have dentures and drive a Lincoln Town Car. I like robin's egg blue, a color briefly popular in 2002, and Waverly drapes from (GASP!!) Bed, Bath & Beyond. I love to look at them when I've fallen and can't get up and I'm waiting for Life Alert to send an ambulance."



"You embarrass me. You can do better than this. For Pete's sake, your fake driver's license says you're only 28. Act your age!"



Add fiddleleaf fig of Jurassic proportions, and rough oatmeal linen drapes. Am I looking any younger yet? What's that you say? Even Martha is embarrassed by this paint color now?





How's this? "Raccoon Fur" by Benjie Moore (a Morgan color recommendation). Alternately referred to as Rat's A** and Coon's Anus.



Better, right?



Next up...Thomas Jefferson called...Monticello wants its dining set back. And maybe make a crazy light fixture. It'll be great.

Ebay Peeping

Besides the large, very early George Nelson Cigar pendant lamp of yesterday's fame, I'll be listing a Paul Evans-style hand carved Mayan credenza/dresser with matching mirror (it's ethnic, it's chunky, it's perfect!), along with a super-sexy set of six solid teak Danish dining chair. They look so much like Niels O. Moller chairs although they're not. And they have THE BEST original upholstery I've ever seen. It's this very organic-looking woven yellow.
I guess it's ORGANIC MODERNISM week at Modernhaus.
The matching table will be available on Sunday, but I can preview it to you if you're interested.






And, since I quit on you last week, I never did tell you that there are a couple of stellar Paul Mccobb pieces in the shop, as well as some rad "Mid Century Moroccan" side tables and more.
Go to there! See good things!

Eenie Meenie Miney Moe...Vintage Nelson Bubble Lamps

Some people have suggested that sharing finds like this can engender hatred and jealousy.
So, let me just briefly say that last week I super-accidentally found this trio hanging together in an old house near a country club.



They are "pre-patent" which means they are the earliest of Nelson bubble lamps made.
And in shockingly awesome condition. Save a light layer of dustiness on the very tip tops, they could pass as a few years old instead of fifty plus.

In a rare stroke of generosity to myself, I've decided to keep one and list the others this Thursday.
It's a toss up between "cool weird pumpkin" shape and classic globe.



It would hang here, in the foyer, aka place where kids hang from bannisters, aka apparatus for accessing outdoors and lower floors of house, aka the only room in the house where no one has barfed, aka Hall of Fame, the Boogers Edition.



I think it's going to have to be the globe, since my house is from the Mesozoic Era and can't tolerate a lot of modernity.

What thinks you?

If you're interested in the extra large cigar Nelson or giant pumpkin Nelson, check the shop tomorrow evening, or contact me directly!


P.S., would any of you collectors/afficionados care to weigh in on the name of that middle shape and whether or not it's discontinued? I can't find it anywhere!

Possible Reasons I Haven't Been Blogging

1. Abducted by aliens that wanted to harvest my mojo.

2. Writing a screenplay about my blogging experience entitled "You Have Zero Comments".

3. Was drinking coffee and sitting in front of the computer all day, so thought I WAS blogging...

4. Shopping trip to Paris, and I bought you ALL gifts!

5. Partying with Charlie Sheen. Wore him out.

6. Yacht shopping in Portofino...didn't find anything I liked.

7. Got lost in the Bermuda Triangle...again.

8. Discovered abandoned warehouse full of Danish furniture. Died of heart failure.

9. Set World's Record for most laundry done in one day.

10.Cut myself on a piece of furniture while working...contracted a rare Danish teak-borne illness. CDC quarantined me in Denmark. Saw a lot of bicycles and cured meats.

DOS COLOR

I could look at the Dos Family home tours ALL DAY LONG.
I love the way they splice together complementary images. Exquisite.
The Swedes are surprisingly fearless decorators. Do images like this make you want to take more decorating risks?
Do you love color but shy away from using it?
Are your walls...BEIGE by default??

Cellos give me the almost-crieds

I went to the symphony, okay? I'm on a little bit of a roll with the cultural expeditions.

But seriously, I think I'm onto something here. When most of the women around you are using walkers you really start to feel like a lithe, spry young thing. And hey, when you've been twenty eight for several years like me, that feels good.

Other places to feel like a spring chicken:

The ladies locker room just prior to an "aqua aerobics" class at the public pool. This may also be where you begin to see the wisdom in not getting a tattoo.

Any Denny's or Coco's restaurant, any time, but especially at 4pm. Prime rib, coffee, and a $1 tip anyone?

A medical devices supply store ("Hey, sweet oxygen-tank-on-wheels set-up you got there!")

A stage performance of Shakespeare (not only will you feel young, you'll be the only one awake!)

In line for a flu shot. If you don't have stool softeners, Centrum Silver and laxatives in your cart, you will practically feel like a baby.

So there you go.
If you think you might want to get a little more artsy but you're not in the "major donor plaque on the wall" income bracket, do what I do. Register your email account with your local symphony, opera, theatre, etc., and when they have empty seats at a performance they will send super-discounted offers to you. They're usually at least half-price with a day or two notice. I took my whole family to see Spamalot with $7 tickets!

Do you do any artsy things in your city? Is the crowd as geriatric as it is here, or is it a better mix?